Dear Professor
by Rhiannon16
Summary: After OotP HArry developes a friendship with an unlikely person. Starts summer before 6th yr
1. Default Chapter

Dear Professor Snape,  
I know you weren't expecting to hear from me. I wasn't expecting to write to you either. I've done a lot of thinking this summer. Thinking about what happened this last school year. It hasn't been easy, and some of it is too painful still. I know you didn't like Sirius Black, and he didn't like you. But he was important to me, the last of my family. I know my aunt, uncle and cousin are family, but not really. They hate me and they hate what I am. They always have.  
When you were trying to teach me occlumency, you got into MY memories. You saw things no one else knew about me. Much like Voldemort you were in my head, and you had access to my life. I think I turned it around ONCE. And then there was your pensieve. Yes, I did go into it, and yes I saw something that was painful to you. It gave me another view of my father. And it wasn't a pretty one. Everyone who talks to me about him told me what a great guy he was. Well what I saw in your pensieve wasn't a great guy. He was a git. Hexing you because Sirius was bored? What kind of person is that? I did ask Sirius about it. He tried to tell me it was because they were 15 yrs old. Rubbish! I just turned 16 and I never hexed someone because I was bored. It bothered me that you called my mother a name, but I guess I can understand it, you were really not at your best there.  
What I am trying to say is I am not him, my father that is. I wish I had known him, but I didn't. All I had to go on was what other people told me. And you Professor took one look at me on the first day at Hogwarts and decided I was a carbon copy of him. Not a good thing. You didn't know me, didn't want to know. You just hated me. And I reacted to that. Doesn't matter now, it happened. I was so confused when Hagrid gave me my letter and took me to Diagon Alley. I had no idea the wizarding world existed, and that I belonged to it. And then finding out that I am famous? For something I didn't do. I didn't defeat Voldemort! My mother's sacrifice did it. Not me.  
Because of that first impression I didn't believe a word you said concerning James Potter. I couldn't. Here was that nasty professor who hated me because he disliked my father telling me my father was an arrogant jerk. Well, guess what? Your dislike of me, was definitely returned. You gave me no reason not to dislike you. But I still can't get what I saw in your pensieve out of my mind. He did treat badly, and you had reason to dislike him. Good reason. I hope I am NEVER that egotistical. All of them were gits. And Sirius tried to excuse it with immaturity? I don't think so Professor. I really don't think that was it at all. I don't know what that was but it was wrong, and I am NOT him. I have never hexed someone because I am bored.  
I don't know what you will think of this. I was angry with you at the end of the year. After Sirius died. Voldemort's manipulation of my mind and the failure of the occlumency lessons hurt. Not knowing what was going on hurt. Professor Dumbledore finally told me the prophecy and apologized for not telling me sooner, but it just hurt. And you were the target of my anger. But I have come to realize that our past history really didn't help things here. We don't know each other, we dislike each other, and we couldn't work together. And I am sorry for that. Sorry that we couldn't. Sorry that I did invade your privacy like that. The only excuse I can offer is my own curiosity. Curiosity has gotten me into so many things Professor. It's not an excuse, it's a reason. You called me nosy, I guess that is true. But know this: I have told no one other than Sirius what I saw in your pensieve. And I never told anyone what I saw in your mind. The reason I spoke of it with Sirius was he was there, and I needed to speak with someone about it to get some kind of perspective. I wrote earlier of his excuses. They didn't ring true to me. I suspect they don't with you either. I wont be telling anyone what I saw or learned of you. No reason to.  
The whole thing with the occlumency, I would like to learn how to do that, and if you are willing to work with me I would be willing to work with you. I think it may become even more important than it was in the past. I am still having dreams and my scar still hurts and yes I have told Professor Dumbledore. He has not suggested this to me but I know if I can master it, it may help.  
The prophecy as he told me is frightening. I knew I was a target, now I know why. I don't want to rely on luck. It has helped but I know I will need more. And I don't want him in my mind. It scares me Professor. To know he can manipulate me like he did. We were lucky last time. Well, luck doesn't last forever and there is more than one kind of luck.  
I am sorry we don't know each other. I am sorry that I did invade your pensieve, not because you caught me, but because I saw a painful memory to you. It really wasn't my concern. It was just my curiosity or nosiness putting me into something that wasn't my business. Thank you for attempting to teach me the occlumency and I hope your summer goes well, Sincerely Harry Potter 


	2. Snapes Answer

DISCLAIMER: None of them are mine. If they were I Wouldn't be in front of this computer. I'd be busy with Sev!  
  
Whoa! 21 reviews on this! I am amazed and honored. This is the first thing I have ever uploaded to the web. The Mary Sues on my hard drive are staying there! Since you all asked for it, here goes Severus' answer.  
  
Dear Mr. Potter,  
Your letter did surprise me. I wasn't expecting an apology. I expected nothing from you at all. You are right. We don't know each other at all. I know you as a student who doesn't do very well in the course I teach and I knew your father when we were both students at Hogwarts. He took one look at me and after hearing my name decided he hated me.  
What you saw and I know what memory it was, was pretty typical of him. He behaved that way until he started dating your mother, and then only refrained from it when she was around. Yes I hated him. Now you know why. I don't know what Black told you when you discussed this memory with him, and it really doesn't matter.You are correct when you scoff at immaturity as a justification, it isn't. What made me hate him even more was the shrieking shack "incident". That was no prank.  
Your father's oh so heroic rescue was in reality an attempt to save his friends from expulsion, Azkaban or worse. No I was NOT grateful! Any gratitude he may have gained was lost with his comments immediately after the event. Salt in the wound was how Dumbledore handled it later. The punishment should've been much harsher than 25 house points and 2 weeks detention.  
Curiosity is the reason you give for looking in my pensieve and curiosity if channeled properly; is not a bad thing Potter. If you used it in your studies it would be a good thing. I do believe it is the reason for some of your adventures; the chamber of secrets comes immediately to mind here. Curiosity can answer many questions; it can also cause a lot of pain. You may wish to remember that.  
You said you were angry with me at the end of the year, for the failure of our lessons in occlumency. The failure was on both our parts Potter. I understand anger though and perhaps you realize I wasn't whom you should be angry with. Only recently have I found out how little you knew of what was happening last year. For that I am sorry, it was wrong not to tell you anything. You should've been told perhaps you would have tried harder with occlumency if you'd known.  
I won't be attempting to teach you occlumency again. I have recommended to Dumbledore that he teach this skill to you. I may have the skill but I do not the desire to teach it. I don't care to invade your privacy that way. Yes you did get into my mind. You have the power should you master this skill to be very capable of "mind reading" as the muggles call it. I stopped the lessons precisely for that reason, you were learning how to invade my mind but not how to guard your own. It usually works the other way around Potter.  
I never understood why Albus had you placed with your aunt and her family. I do believe he made a mistake there. You are right when you think I thought you spoiled. I did, and I was wrong. Your own memories show you weren't. I know Albus has spoken to you of the blood protection your mother gave. They told you nothing of magic or the wizarding world? If so the confusion you spoke of on your first trip to Diagon Alley is understandable. I've often wondered what the muggleborns felt when they encounter our world. I never asked.  
Your attitude in your letter towards your fame is.refreshing. I have seen in the last five years your reaction to it and admit to being wrong about it. You don't seem to glory in it at all. If anything you seem to hate it. Fame as you've seen can cut you both ways. You are right when you say it was something your mother did. Most people would prefer not to think of that, much easier to put the adulation on a living breathing boy hero rather than his dead mother.  
Perhaps we both made judgments about each other with little or no information. I know when I first saw you, I saw your father. You did resemble him greatly. It is only as you get older that I see more of your mother showing in you. You are right you aren't James. James would've have told all of his friends about both memories of mine that you now possess. That you spoke to Black and Lupin concerning it, yes he told me about it, is understandable. Both of them were there at the time. Their justification doesn't ring true to me either. I don't think you would behave like that. I know how young Malfoy is, and how he behaves.  
That you don't wish to rely on luck is perhaps one of the smartest things you have said Mr. Potter. You will need skills you don't yet have to live through this. And while I am not willing to teach you occlumency perhaps I may end up teaching you something else. I would be willing to work with you again in the future should that be needed. You are correct when you say we were lucky at the Department of Mysteries. Luck doesn't last forever and you are right when you say there is more than one kind of luck.  
The prophecy should have been explained to you along time ago. I was shocked to find out that it wasn't. I understand Dumbledore's reasons but they were wrong. You had every right to know about it. I suspect some of your anger at the end of last year was about that also. I am glad you have let Dumbledore know you are still having dreams. There are some potions that may help you there. I am enclosing some with this letter. Follow the directions and let me know what works and what doesn't.  
Do not expect my public behavior towards you to change when you return to school. I too have a role to play in this war and cannot be seen as softening towards you in any way. Too many report back to other "masters'. I hope your summer goes well also.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Severus Snape 


	3. NOT A CHAPTERAUTHOR'S NOTE

I know everyone HATES author's notes. Well I felt I had to answer some of the crits here. I have been reading them. I must have reached A LOT of people here. I KNOW I felt like JKR left this as unfinished business and it pissed me off when I read the book.  
  
I have a few things to say and I was going to leave them in the review section, but I realized that not everyone goes there. I have heard from people whose writings I admire and I feel honored by that. Thanks for that. It really has made me think that maybe my voice is worth putting out there. Something I was never sure of in the past.  
  
Now, about Sirius Black. He is NOT central to the story. This story was sorted under Harry/Severus for a reason. This isn't about Sirius. Not everything is. I am looking at the Harry/Severus dynamic and working on it. As for Harry saying negative things about Sirius, I didn't see that. That he didn't buy Sirius' justification of his father's behavior was established in the book. I think him sharing that with Sev is justified and acceptable. Harry is very sensibly trying not to inflame a topic that has pained another for a long time. Say what you want about Harry, he has always seemed sensitive to others feelings. And one thing I always admired about him is he is an honest person. I like that about him, one reason I continue to read the HP books.  
  
Some folks have expressed surprise that Snape would react so POLITELY. Well as I see it, Snape is a good actor. What we see of Severus Snape in the books is through the POV of Harry. And Harry IS BIASED. I don't see Severus Snape as a mentally unstable man. I do think since the books are from one person's POV we are only getting their opinions. I know the scene in the shrieking shack from PoA, has a lot to do with the idea of Snape as unhinged mentally. Some things such as the shrieking shack can set him off but everyone has things that will send them ballistic. If you think about the events in the third book from his POV, it makes sense that he seemed totally unhinged. Last time he was in that room he almost died. And the person who set him up that night is there. And the children he is trying to protect believe a man HE KNOWS is capable of murder? Of course he is going to go ballistic, unhinged, etc His reactions to Black, Lupin et al, make sense.  
  
Something ONLY ONE reviewer brought up was security of owl post. THANK YOU I hadn't thought about that and I can plug that hole.  
  
I can't see this going into slash much as I like slash, I just don't think I can do that here. I like the idea of HP/SS but it is one that I find very hard to carry off believably. And believe me I read A LOT of slash. Got into fanfiction through slash.  
  
If anyone is so annoyed at this remember one thing. This is fanfiction and by it's very nature it is AU. My name is NOT Joanne K Rowling, I wish I had her money but I don't. I wish I had her vision, but I don't. I am just another person who reads and likes it. I am also someone who devoured the fifth book in approximately 20 hrs, because I couldn't put it down and was majorly pissed at the end. I am hoping the sixth book wraps up some loose ends but I rather doubt it will since this is a seven part series.  
  
Part of me wonders if she will continue Harry's anger at Snape. I can see the anger, I just don't see how he can blame it entirely on Snape and I had him make that point myself. Even Harry when his brain re-engages will realize that is not fair to Snape. And at the point these letters are being written Harry has had some time to think things over. It would have helped if I had dated them but I didn't. I don't normally date letters myself so my own idiosyncrasy showed up here.  
  
Chapter three will clear that up and start some more threads in this story. Remus has a part to play. Even though he is still off stage here. 


	4. Meanwhile

DISCLAIMOR:  Not mine.  I wish they were. No money here.  Attorneys can get my unpaid bills.

A/N Thanks for all the GREAT reviews.  Y'All are fantastic!

At the end of his fifth year at Hogwarts Harry stayed with the Dursleys for two weeks.  With Dumbledore's permission he relocated to the Order headquarters.  Everyone who'd been there the previous summer, with one notable exception, was there this summer for safety reasons. Headquarters was still 12 Grimmauld Place, without Kreacher (he'd passed away) and they'd finally managed to get the place decontaminated and cleaned up.  

During the cleaning and decontaminating Harry thought a lot about the previous year's events.  It all came down to one thing: he'd been manipulated and his godfather had died because of it. Occlumency lessons with Snape had failed and it hurt that the failure cost him Sirius. He'd tried to talk to Remus, but Remus had problems of his own. Ron and Hermione had finally bought a clue, gotten together, and were too busy with each other to spare time for him. Mrs. Weasley was stressed out over Order business that she still would not discuss with Harry. Even though he now knew more and was told more on Dumbledore's orders she felt he was too young to be that involved in it.  Percy had finally apologized to his parents but their hurt over his behavior lingered.

Harry had no one to talk with about it. Dumbledore was rarely around and Harry really didn't want to add to the man's burdens. There really wasn't anyone else he was comfortable talking about it with, and the lingering guilt over intruding into his least liked professor's life lingered. So what to do? 

He finally decided he should apologize to Snape for it, but the famed Gryffindor courage wasn't up to doing it face to face. He wrote a letter and gave it to him after an Order meeting at the beginning of August.  No way would he have sent such a letter by owl post. Getting a reply surprised him. Especially **that** reply. There was no snark, no sniping at him, and no insults. It was probably the most human behavior he'd seen from Snape.  Snape gave it to him after the next Order meeting, along with some potions to help him with his dreams. It was the first overtly thoughtful thing Snape had ever done for him and he was grateful.  

Now in the middle of August, he'd given Snape the letter at the beginning of the month, he was busy trying to do his homework.  Homework wasn't fun but it was something to take his mind off Sirius, and his lingering anger at his death.  He'd gotten his OWL results.  He hadn't done badly at all.  Had even gotten one in potions.  Missed the History of Magic OWL but there was a reason for that.  Hermione of course had done the best out of all of them.  She'd gotten outstanding in everything.  Harry really couldn't bring himself to care much about the results.  He'd seen too much in too short a time and he was still hurting over it.  Some wounds as Dumbledore said really did go too deep   This felt like one of them.

At Hogwarts Professor Snape was doing the finishing touches on this month's batch of wolfsbane potion and thinking about Potter and the extraordinary letter he'd written.   One thing Severus Snape NEVER expected from the Potter child was an apology.  Snape would never admit it out loud but he was starting to feel concern for Harry.  He seemed to be slipping into some sort of apathy.  This morning in a fire call to headquarters Mrs. Weasley had tried to get him to talk to Lupin about his "excessive" grief and he'd refused.  The ensuing argument had the attention of everyone in the room but Potter.  

Potter had ignored the whole argument and when asked his opinion stated that Professor Snape had the right to refuse should he choose to do so.  His answer had shocked everyone in the room.  But he refused to elaborate further and for that Snape could not help but feel a little gratitude.  So the child had understood.  

He hoped Potter was well but everything he'd seen so far made him doubt that.  He had the feeling Potter needed to talk to someone and no one there was listening to that need.  He'd seen Potter's friends more wrapped up in each other and ignoring Potter's pain.  He'd seen Remus Lupin withdrawing into grief to the point he was worthless.  He'd also seen how Mrs. Weasley was treating him like a child and refusing to discuss anything of import with him.  At times he found himself wondering why he put up with the lot of them there.  

He'd spoken to Dumbledore concerning Potter's dreams and found out that Potter hadn't lied about telling him.  The concern of course was that the dreams were not being manipulated.  They were indeed normal nightmares, and after last years events nightmares were to be expected.  So when he gave Potter his reply he'd given him some sleeping potions to help with the dreams.  So far they seemed to be working.  

Another concern of course was his spying.  So far nothing seemed to come from it.  Snape had not gone back to Voldemort as was expected.  Voldemort would have had him killed on sight.  He had spoken with some of the other Death Eaters and gotten them to do the spying for him.  Promising with Dumbledore's okay that they'd be protected from imprisonment when the Dark Lord fell again.  So instead of spy he was now the spymaster.  He hated it.  

The Death Eaters who'd been at the Department of Mysteries had all been tried and convicted.  And all were at Azkaban now.  No longer guarded by dementors, the ministry had aurors doing guard duty now.  He'd have to deal with the children when school started again and wondered how many of them would be returning.  He was concerned about Draco Malfoy among them.  That child was too much like his father.  He suspected but could not be sure that Draco had already taken the Dark Mark.  Yes the war was heating up.  Already there had been attacks on wizards and muggles by Death Eaters.  Voldemort was working to consolidate what he could while he could.  The long period of ministry denial had only helped him.    

            This was going to be a very nasty hard war, and he only hoped Potter was up to it.  As he knew the prophecy was reliant on Potter to kill Voldemort.  Potter seemed to realize he would need more skills to do this than what he already had.   Losing Black had been a horrible thing for young Potter, and one could only hope he would get over it.  

            Despite what Dumbledore told him about having a good heart, skills would be necessary.  He and Dumbledore had spoken of the need for extra training recently and had come to the conclusion that Mr. Potter was in for a VERY busy year.  Dumbledore had asked Snape to teach him dueling and extra DADA since he would need both.  One thing that Dumbledore made clear was that Harry was not to be taught any of the Dark Arts no matter if Severus thought he needed them or not.  Other instructors at the school would be teaching him other things.  About the only one not involved in the extra training would be Sybill Trelawney.  


	5. The Order Meeting

Disclaimer: Not mine.  

A/N  I had about 5 different drafts of this chapter.  All of them different.  This story was trying to go in so many different directions it wasn't even funny.  While this one doesn't satisfy me, I hope you enjoy it.  

CHAPTER 4

The Order Meeting

            The Order meeting started as soon as dinner ended.  Mrs. Weasley hustled Ron, Hermione, Ginny and the twins out of the kitchen and sealed the door.  The only Order member not there who was in the house was Remus. 

            Everyone gave their reports on their assigned sphere of activity.  Most had little to report.  Professor Snape had the most to report, as he was the resident spymaster into Voldemort's circle.   The most disturbing piece of information was the Marking of a group of 16 year olds.  Snape only had the name of one of those Marked.  It was suggested that the 6th and 7th year students be checked for the Dark Mark at the beginning of the year.  This started a ferocious argument.  Many of the group felt that all of the Marked students would come from Slytherin House and wanted to expel all of the 6th and 7th year Slytherins without even checking for the Mark.  

            "Wait!" Said Harry, "are we going to punish them because of their parent's choices? Or for the House the hat put them in? Why does everyone here think they will all be slytherins?"

            "They usually are," answered another Order member. "Most of his followers came from Slytherin the last time."

            "Most of them?" asked Snape with a dangerously silky undertone to his voice.  Harry heard that and waited for the explosion. "I can name people with other House affiliations who were on his side."

            "Then name them!" exclaimed Molly Weasley.  "I don't think you can put Gryffindor among them.

            "Actually," answered Harry, "he can.  Peter Pettigrew was in Gryffindor, and still works for Voldemort."

            "This isn't about those Death Eaters," said Bill Weasley touchy that Harry had named a Gryffindor. "It's about the new group.  What monster would use 16 year old children?" he asked wondering. 

            "The time the ministry denied his existence has helped him.  Not as much as he would've preferred," answered Snape.  "But it did help him. Getting control of the dementors and his followers in Azkaban has made him stronger. As for using children? He did the same thing in the last war. He wants spies at Hogwarts." 

            The discussion of the Death Eater children wound down with no real resolution.  Harry was wondering why no one could seem to decide anything.  But even he realized this was a thorny problem and no decision would be a very good one for the kids or the school.  He wondered if Malfoy or any of his crowd were Marked but didn't dare ask.

            Another thing Snape had reported was that Voldemort's fury that he hadn't gotten the prophecy and that there was no other copy of it to be found. His spies reported that Voldemort seemed obsessed with Harry.  Breaking it had actually been a good thing.  

            The Order meeting kept droning on and on.  Harry was getting very bored at some of the topics discussed.  Looking around at everyone there he could see how the war was wearing them all down. No one seemed to have any definitive ideas on how to proceed.  Bill Weasley looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept in days.  Arthur looked worried about everything.  Molly looked stressed out.  Dumbledore looked his age and weary with the burden.  Mcgonagall looked old and sour.  Snape looked like he'd not slept in weeks, his clothes rumpled and stained with potions ingredients.  He looked even greasier than usual.  Hagrid seemed to have lost his spirit.  No one seemed very happy at all.  Just worried and showing it.  Harry usually stayed quiet at these meetings, he was very aware the only reason he was allowed to attend was Dumbledore, but he was getting worried at the adults attitude here. He was also getting annoyed that no one seemed to have any idea how to stop Voldemort.  It was like they were waiting for something to happen.  No one seemed to want to take any offensive action at all.  

            "Does no one have any ideas how to defeat him?" he asked from his corner of the room.

            "What do you mean Harry?" asked Tonks.

            "Well so far all I hear are ideas of how to keep watch on him and how to clean up after him. No one seems to know how to get rid of him," he answered getting angry.  "Oh.  Right.  Sorry that's my job.  But I'm only sixteen, so we have to wait don't we? How long do we wait? And when am I supposed to be ready? I wasn't ready when I was 11, wasn't ready when I was 12, wasn't ready last year and the year before.  But I faced him each time and came back.  Why aren't we attacking?  He's had a year to get stronger.  All we did was stop him from getting his hands on a prophecy.  And why am I the only one you all think can kill him?" he was very angry now. "I'm not even fully trained!  And that won't be enough!  We don't even know if the killing curse will kill him now.  I don't want to watch him kill any more of my friends.  I don't want to have to keep looking over my shoulder wondering what's next.  I want him gone so we can all live again.  Because we aren't living now.  All we are doing is waiting.  I'm tired of it."

            "That's enough Harry," snapped Mrs. Weasley, getting angry herself. "You know what the prophecy says.  We can't let you fight him now.  He would win."

            "He's right though," said Snape, agreeing with Harry.  "He isn't trained yet.  He has defeated him when he wasn't ready.  And we don't know if avada kedavra would kill him now.  We know what the prophecy says but what if it is wrong?  Potter, you do need training and you need to work on it harder than you did the Occlumency last year.  If it were offered would you do it?" he asked looking at Harry.  "Would you make the commitment such training requires? Would you give up quidditch and free time for it?   Because if you want that training you won't have time for much else.  What it would mean would be giving up the rest of your childhood for a battle you could lose."

            "Do I really have a choice?" Harry asked quietly. "If I don't do this …" he trailed off.  

            "He shouldn't have to give up his childhood!" exclaimed Molly looking between the two of them angrily. 

            Harry looked over at Mrs. Weasley.  He'd been listening to what the man was saying and forgotten there were other people in the room.  As he looked around he could see some of them agreed with Snape.  Some did not.  He looked at Dumbledore who had a neutral look on his face.  All of them were waiting for his decision.  He didn't know what to do here.  "What childhood?" he asked.  "I don't think I had one of those. Not with my family."

            "You have," answered Snape remembering what the legilemens had allowed him to see. "Not a good childhood.  But there are worse."

            Molly looked horrified at them.  "What do you mean Harry?"

            "I mean my family hates me.  They don't try to hide it either," he answered her angrily.  "I don't have a family like yours.  You know Ron is jealous of me?  I don't know why, I would kill to have a family where I was loved.  He doesn't have a clue how lucky he really is!" Harry said bitterly.  "The only reason they left me alone this summer was because Mr. Moody, your husband, Remus, and Tonks threatened them.  Every year you send me to them.  I know why now, the blood protection.  But they hate me they always have." 

            "Oh please," said Snape exasperated at the turn this was taking. "Like I said, it wasn't great.  But there are worse, Potter."

            "How can you say that?" asked Mrs. Weasley shocked at what she was hearing. 

            "Easily," snapped Snape thinking of some of his slytherins. "You have no idea how many children who attend Hogwarts have lousy childhoods.  Some of them are even Gryffindors.  This isn't what we need to discuss here! Potter is right.  We need to plan something more than just holding the Dark Lord off.  His childhood or lack of one is not the issue here."

            "All right everyone," said Dumbledore.  "Next meeting everyone should come up with one idea of what we should do offensively.  We can discuss them then."  With that he ended the meeting.  As everyone left, with more to think of he gave the assignments for the next meeting.  Snape rose quietly, and went over to Harry.  

            "Potter," he said, "you do need extra training.  Think about what you do need and if you are willing to give up your free time, let the Headmaster know."  

            "All right Professor," he answered.  "Are you all right sir?  You look tired."

            "Long summer Potter," he answered, looking at the teen who looked tired himself.  "Are the potions helping with the dreams?" he asked looking at the dark circles under Harry's eyes and the drawn face. 

            "Yeah they've helped, thanks sir for giving them to me," he answered quietly. 

            "Good then, if you need more let one of us know," he said as he rose to leave. "Good night Potter."

            G'night sir," answered Harry as Snape left.  Everyone else was leaving as Harry left the room saying good night to everyone.  He had a task to do.  Try and come up with an idea for the next meeting.  He wondered if he should talk to Ron and Hermione about ideas.  He decided he didn't want to tell them about it though.  He was at these meetings on sufferance he knew they wouldn't be allowed at all.  


	6. More Letters

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine.  Damn!

CHAPTER 5

More Letters

Dear Professor Snape.

            Remus came out of his room this morning. I wish he hadn't. For some reason, he has decided to blame you for Sirius's death.  I know, I don't get it either.  Why he would blame Sirius's death on you is beyond me Sir.  I know it was a combination of things that led to his death, including my own failures.  Like I said in my first letter I WAS angry with you, but I am not anymore.  I have had some time to think, and I know there was a whole series of circumstances that led to Sirius dying.  

            Living in that house and not being able to leave it didn't help.  My vision of him being captive by Voldemort added to it.  I know you baited him but if I recall correctly Sirius gave as good as he got.  I get the feeling that everyone holds Slytherin against you.  I don't really understand that.  So what if Tom Riddle was sorted there a gazillion years ago?  Is the whole lot bad because of him?  Wonder what they would say if I had sorted there.  I told Professor Dumbledore once the hat wanted to put me there, and I begged it not to.  All I knew of Slytherin then was what I had heard and I had met Malfoy.  He really isn't a recommendation for ANY house.  Sorry, I know you like him but he is a prat and a bully. 

            The whole Death Eater discussion at the last meeting shocked me anyways. I don't know why everyone thinks the newly Marked kids are all from Slytherin.  I can imagine that some would be from the other houses.  I would think the blind judgment against Slytherin would have an affect on loyalties.  If one side doesn't trust you why would you want to stay on that side?  After seeing some of Voldemort's meetings in my dreams I wonder if ANY parent would want them to join that.  These are all supposed to be pure bloods and putting their heirs in a position where a maniac would hurt them with the kind of punishment he deals out doesn't make sense.  Oh well I may never understand it.  I guess you can tell me more about that, than anyone here.  Since you were on that side at one time.  

            Back to Remus, he really is mad at you for some reason. He won't talk about it either.  Says it's between you and him and the next time he sees you it will be with wands drawn.  I know the full moon is coming, would that increase his anger?  I really don't know a whole lot about werewolves but I remember reading that they are more emotional as the full moon approaches. He is also telling the Weasley kids about the pranks the Marauder's pulled on you, including the memory I saw in your pensieve.  He made very sure they knew that I knew of it first.  I've dodged the questions by stating I didn't feel I should tell them something that was private, and I have told Remus off for telling them those stories.  Now Remus won't talk to me.  

            I asked Mrs. Weasley to talk to him about the stories but he isn't listening to her or anyone else.  I think he is going to say something to you at the next Order meeting.  I felt I should let you know about that.  He is using that nasty name that I heard in the pensieve.  What kind of person does that to another?  I really feel clueless sometimes Professor.  I don't understand Remus's anger at you.  He always seemed mellower towards you than Sirius did.  

            I understand you NOT wanting to teach me Occlumency next year.  You've always struck me as the type of person who values your own privacy.  And knowing I got in, well I can imagine you don't want me to do that again either.  I don't want to do it myself.  Is there another way aside from the method you used originally?  And what else would you teach me?  Dueling?  I don't think I am ever really going be more than adequate at potions.  I suspect there are more than potions that you can teach.  I hope I can be a better student to you.  Thanks for asking last night about the potions.  They are helping quite a bit. I am sending this with Mr. Moody as he is going to Hogwarts today.

Sincerely.

Harry Potter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mr. Potter,

            Thank you for informing me about Lupin.  You are correct that the phase of the moon does affect his emotions.  There are other factors involved and I am aware of his feelings.  I was unaware that he was using that "nasty name" or telling his oh so amusing anecdotes about his school days.  I too am not sure why he is blaming me for Black's behavior, but I assure you it never went beyond the baiting you saw.  I appreciate you telling me of his behavior because Albus will need to speak to him about it.  The Order cannot afford petty grievances.  

            I think the elevation of your parents to icon status has allowed people to forget who and what they really were.  Everyone idealizes them now.  They were normal people with normal faults.  Yes, your mother loved you and protected you with a very ancient magic.  A blood protection that is still extremely strong.  Yes, your father died to buy her time to escape.  Something she was unable to do.  But in turning them into icons, or symbols of bravery, everyone forgot they were real people.  And those who could tell you the truth weren't around to do so.  As for why they were targeted by the Dark Lord, the prophecy explains that.  I didn't like your father, you know why now.  I didn't hate your mother; she was a talented witch, especially in charms.  I didn't know her.  The name I called her that day was over the indignity of a girl fighting my battle for me.  

            Some of your comments are intriguing.  Especially those concerning Slytherin.  I must admit surprise that you almost sorted there.   I am not surprised that having met Malfoy you begged not to.  I said in my last letter I too have a role to play and no I am not fond of Lucius's son.  He is one of those who report to other "Masters".  Yes Riddle was a Slytherin at Hogwarts.  What amazes me is that everyone thinks being sorted there was what made him evil.  I think the man would've been evil if he'd sorted to Hufflepuff.  Too many other things to list made him the person he is now.  The tarring of Slytherin as the house of evil has been going on for much longer than you or I have been alive, Potter.  There is evidence in the school history that shows it may go back all the way to the Founder's time.  Considering that the victors usually write history it would not surprise me.  I know you are aware of some of the very basic history of the founding, I recommend _Hogwarts: A History _for more on it.  Do not believe everything you read in it.  Gryffindor wrote the earliest parts of it.  Since he was the victor in his disagreement with Slytherin his view prevailed in the history.  Slytherin's view is unfortunately lost to history.  That truly is a pity since I am sure his side had merit also. Slytherin was no insane mad Dark wizard, no matter what history says. 

            Your take on Death Eaters as parents is accurate as far as it goes.  Most do not want their children to serve the Dark Lord.  The problem is when they took the Mark part of the oath was that their heirs **would **serve him.  So they have problems with this also.  If he asks for their children they must comply.  You can imagine some do not want this at all.  Others do as you can guess.  Yes they are "pure bloods", but blood is blood and it all bleeds red.  No matter what the Dark Lord thinks, the wizarding world needs the muggleborns for the infusion of new ideas and fresh blood they bring.  We still have not decided to do with the children Marked who return to Hogwarts in the fall.   As you seem to understand this is a very difficult decision and I doubt that any **one decision will be right.  **

            You asked what I could train you in.  You are passingly average in potions but that won't be what I train you in.  Headmaster Dumbledore and I have decided to train you in Dark Arts and defense against them.  There has been a reluctance to train you in the Dark Arts, and some of that has been justified, but having had all 3 of the unforgivables thrown at you, you need to learn them theoretically at least.  The Dark Arts aren't by nature evil.  It is the intent of the spell caster that makes it so.  Remember that.  I am sending a book with this, that I want you to read, and be ready to discuss when we start your "remedial potions' training.  Your Outstanding score in potions on the OWLs guarantees you will be my student for the NEWT level courses. Congratulations on your OWL scores by the way, you did very well. 

            I have a few documents here at Hogwarts that the Order will need you to translate when you return to school.  They are in Parseltongue and as the only parselmouth other than the Dark Lord; your assistance is needed to know what they say.  This letter is being sent with Minerva, as she has to go to Headquarters tonight. 

Sincerely.

Severus Snape


	7. Reactions

**Disclaimer:**  I am playing in a very rich universe created by JKR.  Wish I could be so creative.  

Reactions

            September 1st was coming, and the children at 12 Grimmauld Place were getting ready to return to Hogwarts.  Harry had completed his homework and was reading the book Snape had sent with his last letter.  It was a Dark Arts book and very interesting.  The theory was fascinating.  Ron was franticly trying to complete his potions assignment and whining about "Snivellus" being a prat.  Hermione who'd done her assignments early was ragging on him for procrastinating so long.  Harry just ignored it.  He'd tried to get Ron to stop using that name, but Ron liked it entirely too much.  

            The Order meeting after the last letter to Snape had been a mess.  Remus HAD pulled his wand on Snape.  The only thing that stopped the hexing was Dumbledore.  Remus had made it clear he would not work with Severus again, and Dumbledore to everyone's surprise accepted that.  He also made it clear to Remus that Snape had his place in the Order and respect was necessary.  Then the topic changed to Harry's training.  Everyone was furious when the Dark Arts were brought up as a training topic.  Harry didn't understand the reaction.  Voldemort used them, defending against them would be necessary.  And having the knowledge didn't necessarily mean he'd use it.  

            The whole meeting had been one argument after another.  Mrs. Weasley had annoyed everyone there by trying to keep Harry out of discussions.  Dumbledore had told her on more than one occasion that Harry's opinions were valued and that trying to stifle him would not be tolerated.  No one it seemed could come up with any good offensive ideas against Voldemort.  Mrs. Weasley was further angered when Harry mentioned that maybe the twins could help them develop weapons to use against the Death Eaters.  Snape himself had been openly skeptical until reminded of the portable swamp the Weasley twins had set up in Hogwarts and the fireworks they'd set off during Umbridge's tenure as Headmaster. 

            Moody had cracked up when the pranks were described and stated such devious behavior would only do the Order good.  All of the teachers and even the Weasley parents had chuckled at some of the twin's funnier pranks.  Molly of course didn't want them involved in the war against Voldemort and made that clear to everyone.  She was surprised and angered when Dumbledore seconded Harry and complimented him on thinking of something so ingenious.  They would be an asset to the Order. Their devious thinking would allow them to develop some very interesting weapons.  Some of the things they'd tried to use the previous summer to eavesdrop on meetings were already being used by the Order for intelligence gathering.  

            Remus and Harry still were not talking.  Harry was furious that Remus was saying the stuff he was about Snape and Remus was furious that Harry wasn't blaming him for Sirius's death.  Harry didn't understand why Remus was blaming Snape for it. And Remus wouldn't say why he did either.  It was just another situation that Harry despaired of resolving.  Ron and Hermione had heard the argument and were surprised that Harry didn't blame Professor Snape.  But Harry had told them that he didn't and why.  They understood that as far as Harry was concerned there was more than enough blame to go around.  

            What Harry didn't tell them was that he was developing a lot of respect for Snape.  There was a lot to be said for the man, even if he wasn't always pleasant.  Snape never lied during a meeting.  He may not know an answer and when that occurred he would say so.  He also did not say he'd do something and then try to get out of it.  If he said he'd do it, it got done.  The man had integrity.  

            Harry didn't like all the Snape-baiting going on either.  Remus telling those "funny" stories had pissed him off.  Harry didn't think they were all that funny and couldn't understand why Ron did.  The twins who'd heard the stories didn't think much of them either.  While they weren't openly crazy about Snape, they did tell Harry that Snape had given them some extra potions tutoring in the past that helped them with their pranks.  They also said when not being pranked or having his Slytherins pranked, Snape could appreciate a good prank.  The girls while they didn't like Snape thought the stories were mean.  

            Mrs. Weasley was getting on his nerves also.  It felt to Harry that she was trying to keep him a child, and he really didn't feel like he was anymore.  He felt like she was smothering him at times.  Then he would feel bad because she was only trying to be a mother to him.  Harry didn't have experience with having a mother; Aunt Petunia had hardly been maternal with him, but he knew he didn't like being smothered the way Mrs. Weasley seemed to want to smother him. She also did not appreciate the Marauder stories going around and had tried to talk to Remus about it.   

Professor Snape for his part found his opinion of Potter changing.  He could no longer view him as an extension of his father and think he was just like him.  The Potter child was showing him by his letters how wrong that view was.  First by his apology, he'd never had an apology from James for anything.  Second, by warning him of Lupin's attitude.  He'd shown concern for Lupin, but also concern that he, Severus would be uncomfortable with the werewolf.  Potter was indeed a very different person from his father and Severus was beginning to see that.  Other things in the letters interested him.  Harry seemed to be growing up and realizing that luck wasn't enough. His concern with training and learning more was something Severus could respect.  He also seemed to be shedding some of the worst characteristics of Gryffindor House.  That alone was enough to warrant a second look in Severus' opinion. 

Snape didn't hate Gryffindor; they just offended him with their narrow-minded sensibilities.  He'd always despised the judgmental aspects of the House.  Harry seemed to be shedding that quite nicely.  He couldn't say that for the Weasley couple.  Molly Weasley annoyed him with her strident judgments.  Arthur he could take, but he saw how sometimes the man was just overwhelmed by his wife.  Others in the Order were only minor annoyances.  Lupin's new attitude had surprised him. Like Harry he'd seen the man as the least malignant of the Marauders.  The discord at the last Order meeting had surprised him.  He knew everyone was tired, but the level of discord had never been as high as it was that night.  

Lupin pulling his wand on him, he just chalked up to Gryffindor emotionality.  Snape did not understand just why Lupin would blame him.  Black had always been irrational and impulsive, and his death had been a direct result of that.  Snape had mixed feelings about his death and had thought long and hard about the grudge the two had held against each other.  He understood Harry's grief and in some respects understood the anger Harry had at the end of the last school year.  But the emotions and actions of Lupin he didn't understand.  

Potter was growing up.  And his newfound maturity was something Snape admired.  He enjoyed knowing that while Harry HAD seen too much at a very _young_ age, he wasn't becoming embittered.  Even the curiosity that had so annoyed him in the past was being channeled into something good.  Harry asked good questions.  He was already half way through the Dark Arts book that he'd loaned him and had some very good logical questions about it.  Making arrangements to meet after the beginning of term for lessons Snape found himself looking forward to it.  Something told him Potter would not have too many issues with using the Dark Arts.  That he may not have issues with it didn't concern him.  Snape himself had used the Dark Arts extensively in his Death Eater days and still felt some of the Dark curses and spells were misclassified.  His attitude was not something that he shared with others because so many in the Order and on the "light" side felt that the Dark Arts were evil.  That Harry Potter of all people might just share his attitude surprised him.  Harry's questions indicated an acceptance of the knowledge that Snape hadn't expected.  He was indeed looking forward to the training.  What he wasn't looking forward to was the new school year.  He was worried about Slytherin and the Death Eater children who would be returning.  No decision had been made yet about them.  He worried that no decision would be good in their case.  

A/N   A little something to hold you over here.  I am reading the reviews and listening to what everyone has to say.  I am not used to the personal responses I see in other writer's stories.  Until I started checking out ff.net I had never seen that.  So I don't do personal responses here.  Doesn't mean I don't read the reviews I do.  In some ways I feel shameless in my enjoyment of them.  I would like to thank everyone that has reviewed, as it does feel good to know someone is reading this and not immediately dismissing it as crap.  I think at times the fan community is much more creative than canon.  Then I realize without canon there would be no fandom.  Which comes first chicken or egg here?

Some of you have commented on the demonisation of Slytherin in canon.  That bothers me also, in all 3 of the websites I've done the sorting at I come out as Slytherin.  And I have no issues with that.  As I told a friend who HASN'T read the books, Slytherins are survivors.  What I think in a not so humble opinion is that JKR is writing these books for children and doing a VERY black and white view based on her audience.  We the older fans are just as apt to get irritated by it because WE the adults reading this KNOW that it aint always black and white, gray has a prominent place in the world.  That said I still like the books and I still like playing in her world.  One compliment I am getting is that I am keeping both Harry and Sev in character.  That is very important to me, as I want them to be as close to canon as I can get.  That means a lot to me.  I want to stay as close as I can to JKR's world as I can 


	8. Remus's Grief

Remus' Grief

The full moon had been a harrowing time to Remus.  He missed Padfoot being there with him to share the transformation.  It had been painful; it had been lonely.  And Snape's wolfsbane while it had kept him human during the change, had given him the bitter feeling of betrayal.  Yes, he blamed Severus for the death of Sirius.  He began to blame him from the moment of Snape's firecall that led to Sirius death.  

            Remus knew Padfoot **HATED** being confined.  Especially confinement in this house.  A house he'd left at age seventeen, swearing never to return to it.  A house that he'd bequeathed to Remus in his will.  Remus didn't want the house; he wanted his friend and pack mate back.  So he sat around a lot and mourned him.  

            His last meeting with Snape before the Order meeting where he'd pulled his wand was a bitter one.  Snape never being one to hold back had asked him two questions that Remus wouldn't or couldn't answer.  One was how he could he stay friends with someone who'd betrayed him, and the other was: how long did he intend to mourn. Snape was never one for false sympathy or hypocritical behavior, and that annoyed Remus.  

            Those questions irritated.  Remus was well aware of what Snape thought of as Sirius's betrayal of him.  As for mourning, why shouldn't he mourn the last of the Marauders that he cared to name friend?  He missed his friend, a friend he'd not been able to mourn when he was thought to be the betrayer of the Potters in Azkaban.  He'd been overjoyed to find out he was innocent that night in the shrieking shack.  He'd despised Snape for his part in that night.  He blamed Snape for Wormtail getting away.  He couldn't understand why Harry didn't hate Snape for it either.  

            Harry tried to tell him there was more than enough blame to go around concerning all of it.  Remus did not want to hear that.  No he didn't want to hear that anyone else, including Sirius might have been at fault.  Harry didn't like the stories of the old days either.  For some reason the stories that Remus thought showed how pathetic "Snivellus" had been angered Harry, the son of Prongs.  Remus didn't understand that.  In reality Remus really wasn't thinking too clearly, his grief was too much for the werewolf to take.  

            He couldn't see how the grief was affecting his thought processes and no one seemed to be able to pull him out of the self destructive loop his thoughts were taking. Molly had tried, but he wasn't listening to her.  He'd give anything to see Sirius and talk to him, but it wasn't going to happen.  The only one who might have made a difference was angry with him for telling about the "good old days" when the Marauders ruled Hogwarts and pathetic Slytherins, like Snivellus ran.  

            The reaction to his stories wasn't what he wanted.  The older Weasleys were not amused.  Molly found them horrible, and wondered if Snape had been so victimized how he managed to stay on the side of "light".  She was correct in assuming that such behavior had much to do with his taking the Dark Mark.  After a few days of his story telling Arthur quite firmly for him, told him he didn't want his children hearing such stories and please stop telling them.  Bill Weasley had nothing but contempt for the stories.  Snape had been one of his professors and he respected the man for being a good teacher if not a nice one.  After hearing some of the stories he commented he could see why he was such a bastard in the classroom, having started teaching less than 3 years after he graduated.  There was concern among the adults about Remus's situation but no idea how to help him.  

            Remus couldn't seem to put the grief away and get on with the Order's business.  Harry had tried to talk to him about Sirius, but he didn't want to talk to Harry about it.  Harry's memories weren't his, and Harry was clear in not wanting to hear about their Hogwarts years.  If Remus had been thinking straight he would have realized that what Harry didn't want to hear was the vilification of Snape.  He didn't want to hear how they picked on him because they could.  He'd seen how Snape felt about it in his pensieve and it wasn't good.  He wanted to hear about the nice things they'd done.  There had to be some.  He just didn't want to hear about the Slytherin Gryffindor rivalry of the 70s.   

            So Remus was caught in the feedback loop of grief and bitterness.  The bitterness was affecting everyone in the house.  There was much reason for bitterness.  Voldemort's Death Eaters, leaving the Weasley family homeless, had destroyed the Burrow early in the summer.  Hermione's family had fled to the United States when her house was attacked.  Hermione chose to stay and continue school. Percy who'd sided with the ministry had apologized but the family was still upset and angry that he'd not sided with them in the past.  He still came by 12 Grimmauld Place but the meetings were anything but comfortable.  Harry was also grieving for Sirius but had to deal with the **now**, the ongoing war, and the prophecy that said he would defeat Voldemort or die.  He had no one he trusted to speak about this with.  Remus just wasn't there for him at this time and Ron and Hermione were too involved with each other to notice his depression.  Snape seemed to be a good confidant from what he'd seen in the letters they sent back and forth but there was history there too that needed to be discussed and a letter just didn't seem to be the way to discuss that. Molly just wanted to mother him, something he'd so little experience in getting.

            It all came down to a confrontation the night before the children left for school.  One thing that had come up at the last Order meeting was security on the Hogwarts Express.  Snape was of the opinion that now an open war existed, Voldemort would attack the Express.  All his intelligence indicated that something was going to occur on that day and the Express would be a perfect target.  No one disagreed with him.  The decision was taken to station 25 aurors on the Express and on Platform 9 3/4s.  Everyone hoped that the increased security would avert such an attack.  So the night before school all the adults at Headquarters were nervous.  

            Dinner was a tense affair as everyone tried to think of other things.  Remus decided to try and lighten the mood by telling stories.  The first three were funny stories about some of the adventures of the Marauders and their animagus training.  Everyone laughed at how Wormtail had so many problems transforming into a rat.  Then he started on some of the pranks they'd pulled on Snivellus.  No one was laughing.

            Finally Harry had had enough.  "Those aren't funny stories Remus.  In fact they're rather cruel.  How would you like it if someone treated you that way?" he asked angry at the story.

            "Well, they are funny," said Ron chuckling.  

            "No they aren't," said Harry angry now.  "They are just cruel.  I may not like Snape, but no one should be treated like that. So Dad didn't like him.  From everything you tell me Snape did NOTHING to provoke him.  So why treat him like that?"

            "Well Harry it is just Snape," answered Remus.  "Slimy Slytherin who tried to have us expelled.  Why are you so upset?"

            "You know when I met Snape, he didn't like me.  I didn't know why.  Dumbledore told me he had a life debt to my father.  I thought Dad was some kind of hero, you know?  Then a few years later I find out that he saved Snape because Sirius decided to kill him.  Make no mistake Sirius **DID** try to kill him.  And he used his best mate to do it.  Dad just had the sense enough to know if you'd killed him, Sirius wouldn't have paid the price.  You would.  I don't know what Dad said to Snape afterwards, from what I can gather it was something awful.  Snape paid that Wizard's debt my first year.  I suspect he's paid it again and again for years.  Then last year I had the occlumency lessons and I saw some of Snape's memories.  I won't go into them because they're his memories, not mine.  But they made me think.  We don't know Snape, none of us do.  We just hate the teacher because he hates Gryffindor.  The stories you are telling us, well they definitely give reason for his dislike of Dad and you and Sirius.  You blame him for Sirius's death?  There is plenty of blame to go around.  How about my failure to master occlumency?  I was so blinded by my dislike of Snape; I refused to learn from him.  So I saw the vision that sent Sirius to his death.  Dumbledore kept Sirius locked up in this house he hated.  You couldn't stop him from going to the DoM to rescue me.  And Sirius knowing that reinforcements were already on the way there **had** to go anyways.  Oh no there are plenty of people to blame for Sirius's dying, including Sirius."

            "I am sick and tired of the stories.  They show what kind of jerks you all were at Hogwarts.  They show a bunch of bullies who got their jollies off on picking on someone who wasn't like they were." He said sitting down.  He'd risen in anger sometime during his diatribe. 

            "Whoa Harry," said one of the twins." Never thought you had it in you mate."

            Remus just sat there stunned. "Is that how you really feel?" he asked quietly shaken that Harry was so angry. 

            "Yes," said Harry curtly. "Whether you like it or not, none of you were saints.  And blaming Snape for this is ridiculous.  Snape didn't kill Sirius and he didn't send him to die.  Knowing Snape he told him to stay home.  Maybe not kindly, but then again, Snape isn't kind."

            Remus started crying as Harry spoke.  No one looked at him out of respect for his feelings.  But he was collapsing under the grief.  And the tears were of a cleansing kind.  Something that had festered had been lanced and he could now grieve honestly.  He knew Harry was right there were many causes for Sirius dying but Snape alone was not the cause. And he owed him an apology for pulling his wand on him.  Molly escorted him from the room and gave him a dreamless sleep potion when he reached his own room.  

            As Molly returned to the kitchen she could hear conversation in the kitchen.  The twins were talking about new products, promising to let the others know when they came out.  Hermione discussing something she read in a book with Ginny.  Arthur asking Bill about something work related.  Another happy evening around the dinner table seemed to be taking place. 

            Ron was asking Harry something about quidditch when she came into the room.  Harry was sitting there trying to think of how to tell Ron he wouldn't be playing quidditch this year.  "Uh Ron," he asked. "You remember I was banned last year by Umbridge" he stammered.

            "Yeah mate but Dumbledore will lift that," he answered shoveling stew into his mouth. 

            "No, I don't think he will," answered Harry.  "And even if he does I probably won't play for other reasons." 

            "WHAT?" asked Ron turning red, as he shouted, "How could you mate? Gryffindor needs you on the team!"

            "Well," said Harry, "they may need me but I need training to go up against Voldemort.  And to make time for training I may have to give up quidditch"

The discussion quickly degenerated into a quarrel.  Ron was furious that Harry had no problem giving up quidditch for training that he wouldn't say what it was aside from Dumbledore teaching him occlumency.  Hermione was curious as to what other training he would get but he wouldn't answer her questions concerning it.  He had no desire to tell any of them that he would be learning the Dark Arts, never mind that he'd already cast an unforgivable curse.  He knew what their response would be; he'd seen it in the Order meeting when training came up.  By the time Ron was done he wasn't speaking to him and Harry really didn't mind that.  Ron had made him angry about his accusations of special treatment anyways.                        

                           So the last day at 12 Grimmauld Place came to a close with two of the three friends not speaking to each other and a haze of nerves over possible attacks in the morning.  

A/N  Thanks all for the wonderful reviews.  To the person who swore I DIDN'T read the book?  WRONG!  My copy is sitting on my puter right now.  I got it the day it came out and read it in approximately 20 hrs, with meal and bathroom breaks.  Then I started typing.  Anyways this should give you an idea of why Remus was so unreasonable.  


	9. Chapter 8 Back At Hogwarts

Back At Hogwarts

            The trip to Hogwarts occurred without attack.  The usual Malfoy-Potter confrontation was quieter than usual.  Malfoy just didn't seem to have his heart in it. All students over 16 had had their arms checked with the Revelo spell for the Dark Mark and his two cronies Crabbe and Goyle had been detained along with about 10 other students, not all of whom were slytherins.  

            Harry and Hermione shut up Ron who'd been more than ready to lord it over Malfoy when he tried.  Neither one of them really wanted to rub Malfoy's face in it.  As Harry commented later it had to be hard on a guy to lose his mates.   So the ride went peacefully for the most part, playing exploding snap and chess while Hermione read a book.  Ginny and Neville were riding in the same compartment with them.

            The sorting ceremony was long as usual.  The hat sang a new song, Dumbledore made his usual speech, and the first evening back was over.  

            Next morning they got their timetables.  NEWT level scheduling was different from what they had previously been used to.  Only courses they had done well on in the OWLs were being taken now.  So Ron no longer had potions with them as he had barely gotten a potions OWL, his score wasn't acceptable to Snape.  At this level instead of separate classes for the Houses, the courses were for all 4 at once.  Some classes had more students than others, so they separated them into smaller groups but no more of the entire House in one class.  When the trio compared their timetables Harry had potions and herbology with Hermione, transfiguration and divination with Ron and DADA without either one of them.  Hermione had arithmancy alone, along with runes.  They were also in separate astronomy classes.  And Harry noticed his extra sessions added in the evenings for occlumency and Dark Arts, they were marked as extra tutoring.  No other notations made except whom to report to and when.  

            The first day of classes went by quickly and Harry found himself reporting to Snape's office after supper for his first Dark Arts lesson.  He was surprised when Snape didn't teach him anything that night.  Snape handed him a bundle of parchment and asked him to read it.  The parchment looked very old and there was a lot of dust.  Harry was wondering why Snape gave it to him till he saw the writing: it was in parseltongue. 

            Asking where it came from he was told it was found at the beginning of the summer at an archeological dig, that had a wizard on site.  The wizard recognized the writing and the parchment as having a magical origin had used muggle carbon dating on it to determine it was between 500-1000 years old, and passed it along to Albus as he suspected it was in an old language no longer in use.  Albus thought it might be parseltongue and Harry had just verified it.  Snape asked Harry to read and translate it for the Order thinking there might be something in there that could be used to defeat Voldemort.  Harry agreed.  After an hour of reading bits and pieces of it, Harry asked how they were going to do this.  The documents could not be moved out of Snape's custody for obvious reasons and Harry could not bee seen in his office at all hours and there was still the other training he needed.  This was going to be a problem since both were aware that there were other eyes on them.  Both were concerned about the unmarked students who would be reporting back to their parents.  

            And of course there was hiding some of Harry's actions from his fellow Gryffindors.  Snape had heard that someone in that House was reporting back to Voldemort also, he just hadn't been told who.  His source didn't know who the Gryffindor spy was just that Voldemort had someone in the House.  The extra training was expected, and Snape made sure one of his spies reported to the Dark Lord that Potter would be getting extra DADA training this year.  The translation work would have to be done around the training but would be important.  Snape promised to discuss it with Dumbledore as to when and where this would occur.  They put the documents away then and discussed the Dark Arts book he'd sent to Harry over the holidays.  This got them onto the subject of "Dark" versus "Light" wizards,  

            "Do you think Sir," asked Harry, "that all "Dark" wizards are evil?  The book doesn't and I know if I ask someone in Gryffindor, they'll say yes.  I worry that I am a "Dark" wizard because I have some of HIM in me."

            "Potter," began Snape, "you may have some of HIM in you, but that doesn't make you evil.  What you choose to do with it is what makes a person evil or not.  I think the terminology used is wrong sometimes.  Dark does not necessarily equal evil.  I know I am a "dark" wizard, but I don't think of myself as evil.  I turned away from that life before your parents died for a reason."

            "Sir, I don't think you are evil.  I know others do based on your classroom behavior and your dislike for Gryffindor, but you aren't evil.  It took a lot of courage to leave Voldemort, especially if he was insane then, as he seems to be now. I don't know if I could have done it if I had been in your shoes."

            "Potter, you never would have joined him," answered Snape, sighing tiredly.  "And on that note it is time for you to return to your dormitory. You have potions in the morning. Think of something to get detention from me so we can go over these parchments and work on Dark Arts."

            "Want a blown up cauldron Professor?" joked Harry.

            "Please no, and no fights with Malfoy, he is in class with you this year again," answered Snape.  

            "Alright sir, but don't take a lot of points please?" asked Harry.

            "We'll see depending on what you do, good night Potter" said Snape opening the door.

            "G'night sir" answered Harry as he left.  

            Harry made his way back to the tower thinking about the parchment and the discussion they'd had.  The mystery of the parchment promised to be interesting.  He looked forward to reading more of it.  He had his suspicions as to who was the author and couldn't wait to find out if he was right or not.  

A/N  Sorry it took so long to post this.  Had it done a few days ago then FF.net decides to go squirrlly.    
  



	10. Chapter 9

            The next day in potions Harry earned his detention by sabotaging his potion. The comments Snape made as he assigned Harry detention for the potion were classic Snape.  Harry knew not to expect better treatment in the classroom, Snape himself had warned him that would not change. And it couldn't change, even if the Marked students were gone as they had been expelled there were still watchers who reported to Voldemort.  The class was pretty much a typical potions class with Gryffindor losing points and Slytherin gaining them.  Oddly enough when Harry sabotaged his potion and got detention no points were taken. 

Malfoy who clearly blamed him for his father's imprisonment had threatened him before class.  For some reason Harry had expected that.  He understood where Malfoy was coming from even if he didn't like it.  Maybe thought Harry, Lucius was a decent father, even if he was a Death Eater.  And for all of it Harry did respect Malfoy's loyalty to his father.  And he could understand in some ways why he was the focus of the anger, rather than the one who Draco should be angry at: Voldemort.  He still didn't like Draco though he understood this.  

Ron was still not talking to him because of the quidditch thing, and a good amount of Gryffindor agreed with him.  The whole argument they'd had the night before returning to school had been rehashed several times since returning and Harry was sick of it.  Ron was treating him like he'd betrayed Gryffindor and Harry was heartily sick of that.  Harry had no intention of telling them why he wasn't playing anymore.  He did agree to give Ginny some training as Seeker for the team.  She'd asked him to train her and he promised to do so on Saturday mornings when he was free.  He also promised to let her use his Firebolt, which had been returned to him by Dumbledore for both practices and games, as long as he could use it himself at other times. 

Hermione still wanted to know what the extra training was, and Harry told her it would be extra DADA and occlumency.  She wanted to know more but he wouldn't go into it and told her so.  She wasn't happy that he wouldn't tell her but she accepted that some things couldn't be shared.  Hermione unlike Ron seemed to accept that he had things to do that were Order related that he couldn't share. 

Harry went to the dungeons after dinner for his "detention" with Snape.  They spent the first hour going over curses.  Snape would not let him cast them as the wards would detect Dark magic and go off.  Snape told him he would be practicing at Grimmauld Place over the holidays.  Then they went to the parchment.  Harry was trying to explain some of what it said with difficulty.  He could read it, but every time he tried to read aloud, he lapsed into parseltongue.  So he settled for writing it down.  Much of what he was reading seemed to be someone's personal journal.  Aside from it being in parseltongue the English was archaic and hard for Harry to understand.  Snape seemed to have a better time of understanding what he was reading as Harry passed the translations to him.  

So Harry translated and passed pages to Professor Snape who read them avidly.  There were some words Harry couldn't understand, as there were no modern equivalents.  He was trying to be as accurate as possible and neat so Snape would have no problem reading it.  What he did understand was fascinating.  The person who wrote the journal had been at Hogwarts during the founding and commented freely on all 4 of the founders.  Which led Harry to believe the writer was not Salazar Slytherin but someone else.  He mentioned that thought to Snape who seemed to agree that it probably wasn't Slytherin himself but maybe a member of his family.  The whole journal seemed to cover years and Snape made it very clear that they would not get to it all in one night.  

Harry agreed with Snape on that one.  He knew there was a lot of journal there to read.  His concern was finding something that might help the Order and he was enjoying the immediacy of what he was reading in the journals.  He really felt history in them and enjoyed the observations of the writer.  The writer seemed to know all of the founders well and had an irreverent sense of humor.  The comments concerning their personalities and quirks intrigued Harry who would've loved to meet all of them.  The writer seemed to have a good eye and ear for details and the writing was lively.  

Snape was amazed that Harry would willingly sit still and read such old material. The translation seemed to be literal and Harry confirmed he was doing it literally as he didn't understand some of the more archaic words in the journal.  Spelling seemed also to be an issue, as English spelling was not standardized until much later than the journals.  Looking at the context to get the words did some of Snape's understanding.  

After about 3 hours of reading and translating, Snape stopped Harry and gave him some tea.  The tea was hot and refreshing after all the work he'd done.  Snape asked him how he sabotaged the potion and Harry told him.  They made an agreement that Harry could earn his detentions that way, but must be able to explain what he did and why, so Snape would know it wasn't an error.  If the potion exploded though Snape would take House points: if not, a simple detention. If it _was_ an error he would have to redo the potion in detention. Snape also commented on how glad he was Neville had dropped potions.  Neville in his opinion had been truly dangerous to himself and others in the classroom.  Harry commented back mildly that Neville's fear of Snape had made him that way.  They didn't discuss this further as neither had any wish to argue. And it seemed like what was in the classroom should stay there 

They did discuss briefly the journal.  Both of them agreed that the writer probably wasn't Slytherin.  Harry asked if Slytherin had a family when they founded Hogwarts, since _Hogwarts: A History_ didn't mention if any of the founders did.  The answer was probably, but he wasn't sure.  There really weren't any definitive biographies of Salazar Slytherin out there.  That surprised Harry, after all there were biographies of muggles who lived in those times. Snape pointed out that Gryffindor had destroyed any papers of Slytherin left at Hogwarts, the fight between them had been such that they had come to wands.  And the aftermath of it was that Slytherin had been demonized by magical Britain.  

            Harry had to wonder if something else was suppressed there.  Obviously there was a disagreement, but to come to wand point over it? What else had happened?  He wondered aloud if there were a history of Slytherin House.  Gryffindor had one, he knew having seen copies of it in the common room.  Snape looked at him sharply and said there was, but all House histories stayed in the House common rooms for a reason.  Hmm the House history may have more about Slytherin in it though, Harry mused.  Perhaps Snape should look at it? Snape agreed with that, and they made arrangements for the next "training" session, as Snape handed him another Dark Arts book, transfigured to look like a potions book for him to read through.  He was strongly encouraged to take notes and have his questions ready.  Since they would not be meeting the next night.  Harry would be meeting Dumbledore for occlumency lessons then.  Harry returned to the dorm with a lot on his mind and ready for bed.     


	11. Chapter 10

            As the weeks went by they got into a routine, three nights a week with Snape, one night a week with Dumbledore.  Always at the end of Snape's tutorials they would sit down and have tea discussing the material in the parchments, and the lessons.  They hardly touched on personal subjects, for various reasons.  Harry knew well how his friends felt about Snape, and he knew Snape knew it too.  But Harry's respect for the snarky potions master was growing.  The man was absolutely brilliant, and Harry was enjoying that a lot.  

            He was also doing better in potions for some reason; he wasn't as nervous or defensive around the man, as he had been in the past.  Part of that was he had established some sort of rapport as Harry Potter, not as the son of James Potter.  It helped.  He wasn't partnered with Ron anymore, since he'd dropped potions, nor did he partner with Hermione.  Snape still hated her with a passion.  When asked Snape told Harry that Hermione reminded him of too many bureaucrats who thought that everything came from books when that wasn't true. Snape valued "thinking outside the box" or thinking outside the cauldron as he put it.  Innovation did not come from books it came from within and he didn't think Hermione would ever understand that. Harry had to agree with him, Hermione could be rigid.  He didn't even want to discuss Ron.  The only reason Hermione had come up was because she still took potions at the NEWT level.  

            Ron and Hermione found it hard to believe that Harry didn't dislike Snape anymore.  Harry didn't discuss his lessons with them, but both could tell that Harry didn't hate the man anymore.  He flat out told both of them that what they were doing was Order related and he couldn't talk about it.  Of course Ron finally cooled off about quidditch when he heard that Harry was loaning Ginny his Firebolt, and working with her on seeker moves.  Ginny really was quite good, and Harry was proud of her progress.  The first quidditch match was coming up and from what Harry had heard and could see the team looked good.  So he refused to feel guilty for not playing.  He had more important things to worry about. 

            The Order meetings were being held in Dumbledore's office.  Harry was not required to attend all of them.  He was told at the beginning of the year that he needed to go to at least one a month and Snape would update him on Order matters during the tutoring.  Occlumency was going well with Dumbledore.  Something Snape had said helped there.  They had discussed his failure with it, and Snape suggested visualization as a tool.  So Harry practiced building a wall in his mind, it was working and he told Snape that, when he thanked him for the idea.  

            Draco Malfoy was still a problem.  Having his father go to Azkaban had not abated the other teen's malice at all.  If anything he was even more malicious towards Harry.  His sidekicks were gone and so was some of Draco's power in Slytherin, there were many there who had no love for Voldemort or his Death Eaters.  Draco was quieter, but more intense with his hatred.  He never discussed Draco Malfoy with Snape.  He knew that subject was best left alone.  

            Other things were going on too.  Snape had told him that Voldemort had a spy in Gryffindor: that disturbed him.  Harry was shocked that a Gryffindor would be involved with that.  He'd gotten quieter in the tower and had told Ron and Hermione to watch themselves up there.  Since he told them very little, almost nothing, he didn't worry about them spilling Order secrets.  He also knew that his extra lessons with Snape were known to Voldemort.  The other Gryffindors were pretty much the same as they had always been concerned with quidditch, pranks and House points.  The only change in his year group was how many of them had paired off into couples.  Most of them dated outside the House, but NONE of them dated Slytherin.  He never asked why, he knew the House rivalry was strong.  

            But sometimes it disturbed him to hear a Gryffindor say that all Slytherins were Death Eaters and evil.  He knew that wasn't true. He was starting to see that Slytherin was getting a raw deal from the students and even some of the professors.  He was beginning to wonder if the rest of the wizarding world in Britain felt the same way.  Hearing it so often was beginning to get on his nerves.  He wondered if Snape ever felt that way.  

            The journal they'd figured out was written by one of the Slytherin children. From the House history Snape was able to tell that Salazar Slytherin had indeed been married when Hogwarts was founded and had several children at the time. The book also verified that both Gryffindor and Hufflepuff were married at the time of the founding and discussed the other founder's children also.  The writer seemed to be friendly with both the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor children and often described lessons taken with them in different magical disciplines.  Much of what was written concerned how the school was being founded and set up.  The description of the first sorting was riveting, they didn't use the hat then, the founders themselves chose the children they wanted in their Houses.  There were few muggleborn and few females. 

            The way the founders chose for their Houses was fascinating. They actually cast a spell on the children that would identify who had the characteristics each was looking for in their Houses.  When the spell was done each of the new students had a feather in their hand in the House color of the House that they were sorted to.  Both Harry and Snape found that fascinating.  It was too bad the original spell wasn't written down in the journal, as it was probably lost in time.  

            The arguments of the founders also fascinated them both.  It seemed although they were all friends they argued a lot about different issues in running a school.  One of those issues was the training of women.  Gryffindor like many males of his time felt women didn't need to be educated.  The other three founders were firmly of the belief that women should be trained if they so desired it.  The first sorting of students had no girls in Gryffindor.  Harry wondered what Hermione would think of that. 

            You know Professor this journal really doesn't show Gryffindor in a good light.  I wonder now if the stories we've been told about Slytherin are even true?" commented Harry.

            "I don't know Potter, I suspect there is truth on both sides of it. I do think that there may be more to the fight than what was previously passed down." Answered Snape.  They had stopped the translation for the evening and were ensconced by the fire with hot tea and biscuits.  They were on to their usual discussion of what they'd read.

            "I do wonder what the girls attending Hogwarts now would think of the founders time and the arguments about admitting them" Harry commented. "I can see Hermione going ballistic."

                        "Ms Granger surely understands history?" asked Snape. "It may be something we think nothing about but in our world women have had rights much longer than in the muggle world.  I understand it was only in the last 100 yrs that women got the right to vote in the muggle world?  In the wizarding world witches were not that patient, and they had full equal rights 500 yrs ago."

            "So this argument is just a sign of those times sir? Slytherin was ahead of the curve then wasn't he?" asked Harry.

            "Yes I suspect he was Potter.  I suspect it was because his own mother and wife were well-educated women and more than able to keep up with him in an argument: in short, exceptional women.  I suspect Slytherin saw the potential in women because exceptional women surrounded him.  His sister was brilliant in her own right, taught potions to small groups and invented some of the potions we use now.  I suspect Gryffindor was not surrounded by that, even if both Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were both brilliant women he saw them as an anomaly, not potentially what any woman in our world could be."

            "Sad then.  Wonder what the argument **_REALLY_** was over muggleborns then. You know sir I think we may just get the Slytherin side of the argument in the journal.  And it may be an education for both of us.  I am really suspecting Slytherin wasn't anything like history portrays him.  Have you any ideas which Slytherin child wrote this?" asked Harry.  

            "Two of the children were parselmouths Mr. Potter.  It could be either Selene or Draconis Slytherin.  I suspect Selene because Draconis was only 4 yrs old at the founding, and the first sorting is described in detail here.  Selene was the oldest of the children 16 at the time.  To be blunt getting this information was extremely difficult, since most information about the Slytherin family has disappeared in the last 100 yrs.  I don't think it was a vengeful Gryffindor that hid the information either.  Much of the information concerning the Slytherin family is in private hands and fortunately my family was related to them.  I found most of my information in my family home recently."

            "Do you think anything in the journal can be used to defeat HIM?" asked Harry.

            "IF as I suspect the journal is Selene's there could be a prophecy there.  She was a talented seer, I know you know Trelawney and her lack of talent, but Selene Slytherin was NOT Trelawney.  She actually foretold many things that did happen in clear language."  Snape looked quite uncomfortable with his words, his views on divination as a branch of magic were well known around Hogwarts.  He actively discouraged his House from taking the course as he felt it was badly taught here.  "Even if there is nothing to defeat HIM in the journal the historical value and information make it worthwhile to spend time translating it."

            "Yeah I have to agree with that.  And it is interesting to read too. Whether it was Selene Slytherin or not, the person who wrote this had an incredible way of making it alive and interesting.  Is HE the only descendent of the Slytherin family left?"

            "No Potter HE is not.  However, those that are still alive do not discuss that association for fear HE will kill them.  He did concentrate on killing founders heirs in the past.  It is said he went after your family because the Potters were heirs to Gryffindor, I don't know how much of that is true however.  I do know James never denied it or said anything concerning it when he was alive.  There is no reason not to think that it is true. And of course I think in some respects you have been deliberately kept ignorant of your own family history."

            "Why do you say that sir?" asked Harry, seeing a chance to get information from a relaxed Snape he wouldn't get otherwise.

            "I was here at Hogwarts the night your parents were killed." Answered Snape thinking what do I tell and how much do I tell? "Hagrid is the one who brought you back from the house.  From what he told us the house was destroyed.  Dumbledore sent several other Order members to sift through the wreckage and salvage anything that could be kept for you.  You were a mess.  Bruises, cuts and such from the house falling all around you.  We healed everything but the curse scar you still have.  No potion or spell would heal that.  None of us knew what Dumbledore planned for you.  I think if we had … I don't know Potter.  None of us did approve of what he finally decided.  Many members of the Order had met the Dursleys at the Potter's wedding.  They did not make a favorable impression.  I had met them and I thought they were one reason wizards like HIM exist.  Of course there are wizards who are just like them.  We kept you here for 24 hrs healing your wounds and then Dumbledore came and got you and placed you with them.  While we were treating your wounds and mind you this I found out later, Dumbledore was setting the wards on your aunt's house.  He keyed them to the blood protections that Lily gave you.  Lily, I am sorry you never knew her, was an extremely talented witch in charms and DADA.  What Lily did was extraordinary; I doubt the average witch or wizard could do it no matter how much they love their offspring.  I do believe it was Dark Arts and I have had you reading about blood magic for that reason.  No one has figured out exactly what she did.  I'd like to figure it out as I have wondered.  I sometimes wonder if Dumbledore didn't just place you there for protection but to keep you away from your world, so when you finally did rejoin it you would fall blindly in with his plans."  

            "Why do you think that sir?" asked Harry.  He was thinking my God this is stuff NO one ever told me.  WHY NOT? Was shouting in his mind. 

            "Every year you are here Potter you face dangers.  All of it should be avoidable, yet it seems to find you and home in on you.  The stone in your first year?  Why were you the one who had to save it?  We knew we had a security risk on staff, and most of us suspected Quirrell.  The Chamber of Secrets?  Oh that was designed to get you.  Lucius may have had mischief on his mind when he dumped that diary on a Weasley child, but HE once HE knew you were here set it up so you would follow into that chamber.  I don't even want to go into your third or fourth yrs here.  EVERY YEAR Potter you have faced it and come out alive, usually with luck and by the skin of your teeth.  I have no doubt there will be danger again this year.  But some of it HAS been preventable and should have been prevented." Snape sighed as he ended his rant.  

            "You know sir in the first year I thought someone was guiding me on that whole thing.  Giving me just enough information to keep the curiosity going and keep me at it.  The second year was just scary.  Being thought to be the heir of Slytherin was frightening.  I had no idea that being able to talk to snakes was so rare or considered Dark.  I really didn't know I could talk to them at all.  One of the best memories of that year was how you knocked Lockhart on his arse sir.  You were a hero even to the Gryffindors that night.  But I saw your face after I spoke to the snake, you looked frightened and that scared me.  I know that it scares people that I can talk to snakes but, I don't think it is a Dark talent.  Just a different one."

            "Do you know how many Slytherins would kill for that talent Potter?" asked Snape.  "It is rare and I know Albus told you that you got it from HIM, but I don't think you did.  I think you were born with it.  What I would like you to do soon is write to your aunt for information concerning your mother's family.  Tell her it is a genealogy project. They are common at muggle schools and ask for information concerning her parents and such.  I have a feeling the Evans family may not be as muggle as was originally thought. Oh and ask for family gossip.  I suspect Petunia would have it.  I did meet the woman at your mother's funeral and she seemed the type to know all the gossip.  Don't ask for reasons yet Potter, I may be wrong, but I have a feeling about this."

            "Yes sir." Answered Harry yawning.

            "On that note I think it time you return to the tower and bed," chuckled Snape. "Do not do anything to get detention tomorrow.  You need a break."

            "Yes sir, good night sir," answered Harry as he gathered his things to leave.

            Harry walked to the tower for bed.  When he got to the common room it was empty, so he went to the dorm to sleep thinking about what he would write to his aunt in the morning.  

A/N  Again thanks much for the reviews and the very constructive criticism.  I consider myself lucky I have not been flamed.  This story really did start as a one off and it has taken a life of it's own.  God I can't believe I am actually writing.  I had said many times in the past I had the imagination of a turnip.  I am awful with names but everyone who has read and reviewed has my gratitude.  And those who just read?  I hope you are enjoying this story also.  Harry and Sev do inspire me.  I HOPE JKR DOES NOT TURN SNAPE INTO AN EVIL GIT.  I really think she would lose me if she did.  His ambivalence is fabulous because he is a character that has dimension and to put him into an evil box would be wrong.  Just my rant for the day.  Thanks again for reading!


	12. Chaoter 11 Petunia and Harry

            The next few days were spent composing a letter to his aunt Petunia and realizing he knew very little about the Evans family.  Petunia had not been very forthcoming in the past and he hoped since he was asking she might give something this time.  He was aware that Dudley had a genealogy/family tree project in school a few years before and she'd helped him then.  So he hoped she would come through for him now.  He'd told Hermione and Ron about the project and the reactions had been mixed.  Hermione seemed to understand and wished him well.  Ron had been confused, after all who wanted to know a lot about a bunch of muggles.  Snape wouldn't go any further than to say that the Evans family probably had more ties to the wizarding world than what was suspected.  He also stated that every wizard should know his family history.

            So Harry wrote the letter and sent it off warning Hedwig to come to his aunt when Vernon was at work.  He did not want to cause her any trouble and he'd noticed she was much nicer to him when she was alone.  His letter was short but courteous and he expected nothing in return.  

_Dear Aunt Petunia,_

I am writing to you for help.  I have a project in school, researching my family tree.  I know Mum's family is not magical but I can find very little on my father's and since many students are not magical born, using our family would not be unacceptable.  I am curious about Mum and her family as I know very little and most of what I have been told in the past is vague.  I also remember Dudley had a project on it.  If his project is still around could you send it on?  And any stories, family stories concerning your family?  Anything you wish to do I would be most grateful.   If you have stories of family life I would love to hear them.  From everything I gather, you, Dudley and me are the last of the Evans family and I think we shouldn't let them die.  If you can't help I will understand and thank you in advance if you do decide to help.  I have told my owl to deliver this when you are alone since Uncle Vernon has a real problem with magic, and I don't want to cause trouble for you. Thank you, 

_Harry_

            Petunia was startled 3 days later when she opened the window to Harry's owl.  Hedwig had indeed waited till Vernon had left for work.  She took the letter and read it surprised at what her nephew had asked.  So he wants to know about us? She asked herself.  Well she knew someone had to know about their family and he was right, they were the last of the Evans family.  She got up from the kitchen table after asking Hedwig to stay and went into the attic.  All of her mother's things were there along with some of Lily's things that had come to her after her sister's death so many years ago.  She grabbed a box and packed the diaries of her mother and some of the other things in it, she grabbed a pen and some paper and wrote a letter back to Harry.  

_Dear Harry,_

_            I was surprised to hear from you, especially with **that** request.  I remember Lily telling me there is much prejudice against the nonmagical born.  I suspect even if it has lessened it hasn't gone away.  Dudley's school project was about his father's family so that will do you no good. I am sending diaries of my mother that I went and photocopied for you, the originals are here.  I trust your owl but would prefer to keep Mother's diaries myself.  There are a few other things, some pictures of Lily and I as children, pictures of our parents. Please take care of those; they are all I have left of them.  I have more things at the house but I don't want to overburden your owl.  She has been very polite and quiet here.  She did follow your instructions and I am cooking her some bacon as a reward.  Yes Vernon dislikes magic very much.  He did not grow up with it.  So he fears it.  He has passed the fear onto Dudley as you know.  He is quite unaware that Lily was NOT the only witch in the family.  Our mother also went to Hogwarts years ago.  Her diaries will explain why she left the wizarding world.   This is all information I didn't know, as a child, and I doubt Lily ever knew any of it.  They died within weeks of each other.  I didn't read the diaries until AFTER you started at Hogwarts.  For years they sat in the attic along with Lily's things.  I read them in your first year and vowed that if you asked you would get them.  You have asked so I am sending them.  When you return for the summer I will let you see and read the originals.  I made these copies two years ago for you.  I doubt seriously that I will ever show them to Dudley.  My mother, your Grandmother was called the neighborhood witch.  We never knew how true that was.  Mother was different from most every one else's Mums.  She never cared much what the neighbors thought of us.  Neither did Dad for that matter.  We were always conscious of her foreignness.  She was Irish from Ireland and never lost that or the accent.  She loved both your mother and me fiercely and didn't tolerate bullies well at all.  She was not crazy about your father or his friends because she thought they were a bit bullyish.  She hated Vernon for that reason, and she told me on more than one occasion I could and should do better for a spouse.  Her diaries cover many years and I suspect you will have questions about them.  Mother came from Ireland and a very large family there.  I haven't met many of them since we never went to Ireland and most of them did not come here.  I do know that three of her sisters attended Hogwarts since one of the diaries covers her years there.  There were 13 children in her generation so I assume there were many cousins we never met.  Dad was an only child and his family was not magical at all to my knowledge.  I suspect that we had cousins at Hogwarts during Lily's time there and you may have some you don't know there now.  Mum never spoke much about her family to us.  And having checked into some of the immigrant history and experience I understand that to be normal.  She wanted us to fit in here so she left a lot of her past in the past.  I am also sending a family tree but it only goes back to my grandparents.  Neither one of my parents every spoke much about the past and I suspect they had their reasons.  Harry I am glad you asked for this information.  It needs to be shared and out there and I realize as I write this I wanted to share it with you.  With that monster back and yes I do know who and what he is, you need all the information you can get.  Take good care and be SAFE._

_Petunia_

            Hedwig delivered Petunia's letter and package to Harry in the dorm a week after she'd been sent.  Petunia had been careful not to overload her and Harry was grateful for that.  He was also surprised by what she sent, his grandmother's diaries?   The pictures of the little girls his mother and aunt were beautiful and he wasted no time duplicating them, along with the pictures of their parents, his grandparents.  There were some other things there along with the pictures and the diaries. His mother's wand, a lock of her hair tied in a ribbon, a claddagh ring that belonged to her. A Gryffindor pin that looked older than his mother was also there.  Could his Grandmother have been in Gryffindor?  Petunia had indeed come through for Harry.  Harry wanted to do something nice for her but wasn't sure what to do. He did not want to send Hedwig there if Vernon was around.  Petunia was right, he feared magic and he didn't understand it.  But he wanted to do something nice for her, since she had shared the information so freely.  He suspected he would learn much more next summer.  

            He decided to take the lot down to Snape's office the next time they met.  In the meantime there were diaries to read.   He also decided to put the pictures into an album for his aunt.  He knew it would be something she could appreciate.   He'd already framed two of them for himself.  

            Hermione and Ron found him in the dorm with the pictures and mementos and were surprised as he showed them that his aunt had sent them on to him.  Both promised to help him organize the photos into an album for his aunt.  Since he wasn't allowed to go to Hogsmeade this year, Hermione promised to pick up an album for him.  Ron was shocked at the old Gryffindor pin.  He told Harry that it was one that hadn't been worn at the school in over 50 yrs and his aunt had one just like it.  It had been given to the graduating class of Gryffindors the last year Dumbledore was their Head of House.  

            The three friends wondered what else was there, the diaries would probably tell them more.  And Harry definitely looked forward to reading those.  Things had changed between the three of them as the year had gone by.  Part of it was Hermione and Ron being a couple, part of it was the lessons with Snape and Dumbledore.  Another part was his quitting quidditch.  Ron and Harry had made up but it was something they didn't share anymore.  Ron was still keeper for the team and Harry wasn't on it anymore.  Hermione was still ever the bookworm but it wasn't the same and it wouldn't be.  They were changing and growing up and their interests were changing. 

 Neither one of them could understand the strange sympathy he felt for Draco Malfoy but they left him alone at Harry's request.  Malfoy was less likely to start anything now than he had been in the past.  Harry felt and told them that he was going through enough losing his father to Azkaban without being harassed about it.  So they left him alone and didn't start anything or laugh at him for it. And since Malfoy no longer started trouble things were quieter.  Several times he and Malfoy had partnered in potions together and managed to do the work without fighting.  Malfoy had expected Harry to rag him about his father and was surprised when Harry didn't.  He couldn't understand it, and Harry never bothered to explain that he wouldn't.  Harry wouldn't because he knew Draco loved his father and missed him.  He already had pain there; Harry didn't want to increase it.  He may have despised Lucius but Draco didn't.  So he left Draco alone and hoped he would be okay.   He never bothered explaining himself to the blonde because he knew he wouldn't be believed.  He'd done lots of thinking about the so-called rivalry and decided he didn't have time for it, so if Draco didn't start anything neither would he.  With that decided the year was going much more quietly than the past years.  No one else seemed to want to step into what had been Draco's place in the rivalry and Harry was glad of it. 

**A/N  A quick note here. **This chapter basically wrote itself.  Came straight out of Snape's suggestion that he contact Petunia for more info on his family.  Snape that sly man just had to go and suggest that.  I was like after writing and posting that … what the hell did I just do???  JKR has only ever said that Lily was muggle born.  She has never given her a family history.  I know this will be AU since I don't doubt she has created one.  We the readers may never see it, but she has one. Bluntly I think she has one for all of the major players in the Potterverse.  She isn't showing it except in dribs and drabs … i.e. the pensieve scenes in books 4 and 5.  I think she is playing the past very close to the vest and the next two books will reveal a whole lot more. Because the past has a hell of an impact on the story she is telling.  I think most fans are wanting that past.  My version is probably going to be different.  The comment Petunia makes about the immigrant experience, well I can state as a first generation American that while my family household was a mix of American and European we were encouraged to BE Americans.  This seems to be a common experience in immigrant homes, it is magnified of course in the Evans family by the laws of the wizarding world of separation from the muggle world.  So Mrs. Evans wouldn't have discussed her magic with her children.  She left that world for a reason that will be explained.  Once again thanks to everyone who is reading this story.  


	13. Chapter 12 Diary Overload

Diary Overload

Disclaimer.  Not mine, oh but I wish they were.  So attorney types keep looking for people with money to pay you. It surely isn't me!

            Harry had been reading the Slytherin journals along with his grandmother's for several weeks now.  He'd learned much about the unspoken Irish heritage of his mother and the Slytherin family.  He was grateful to Professor Snape for suggesting he ask Petunia for her assistance.  He was however starting to feel overloaded by the information.  He didn't know who to talk to about it.  

            He was finding out all sorts of things about his grandmother's student days at Hogwarts.  He wondered why she'd left the wizarding world but was sure the answer would be in one of the diaries his aunt had sent him.  The Slytherin journals were detailing the breakdown of friendships between the founders in a way that sounded like they all had quite literally let a lot of small incidents snowball into one large one.  

            One night when Harry was translating the Slytherin journal he looked up at Severus, cursing under his breath about how stubborn Godric was. 

            "Something to say Potter?" drawled Snape amused at the curse.

            "Why was Gryffindor such a git?" he asked, looking up from the journal. "The man fought about everything!  He wouldn't accept girls into his House! He refused to teach them for years, and then he wouldn't accept certain families into his House stating they were Dark, and he seemed to think he was ALWAYS right! He wanted Slytherin gone long before he left and it was his own bigotry that drove him out."

            "Yes it was," agreed Snape, "seems like the hero has feet of clay. Perhaps as speculated there is more to the dispute than was recorded.  Is there anything in there so far that can be used to defeat the Dark Lord?"

            "Doesn't seem to be," answered Harry. "But it is very interesting reading and maybe setting the record straight would be a worthwhile thing."

            "Perhaps we should set it aside for the time being.  Tell me Potter have you been reading your grandmother's diaries also?" asked Snape idly.

            "Oh yes sir, I have." He answered enthusiastically. "She had so much to say. Did you know she was a Slytherin?"

            "A muggleborn Slytherin?" Snape exclaimed. "Impossible!"

            "Oh yes sir, but she writes that she was sorted into Slytherin and about her housemates.  One of them was Tom Riddle. They had classes together and they were friends, being the halfblood and the mudblood in Slytherin together. Her two younger sisters were in Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. I've gotten up to her fifth year so far, where her and Riddle became prefects for their year, and she started dating a Gryffindor named Jack Evans.  Riddle didn't like him for some reason but they hung around together anyways."

            "We may find more out from your grandmother, than the Slytherin journals.  Potter it is extremely rare that a muggleborn gets sorted into Slytherin: halfbloods are more common.  She must have been very cunning or ambitious to get there.  Most Slytherins as you know come from older bloodlines.  We can usually predict who will sort there.  Does she say anything about who her Head of House was?"

            "I think she said something about a Professor Thorne, being Head of House, taught DADA at the time.  They didn't like her according to the diaries.  Seems like she often took the side of the other Houses and let them get blamed for everything.  She hated Dumbledore even worse though.  She called him all sorts of names in her journal, even though she reports her transfiguration grades were above average.  She said that he really was biased against the Slytherins, and being Head of Gryffindor made it worse.   Some of the rumors about Dumbledore and Thorne in the common room were pretty filthy." Harry looked at Snape as he said this. Snape had produced tea and scones as he was talking.  He took the teacup with a grateful nod, snagging a scone while he was at it.  

            "Funny thing is she didn't seem to care one way or another about the Headmaster at the time.  Says in her journal that Dippet was pretty much a nonentity, everyone knew Dumbledore was running the school.  I feel like I am invading her privacy when I read these.  I get the impression she never meant for anyone to read the journals, you know?" said Harry as he bit into his scone.  

            "Perhaps she didn't expect them to be read, but they may give us insight on the younger Dark Lord," answered Snape as he refilled his teacup. He looked over at Harry as he did so and saw a thoughtful look cross his face.

            "Perhaps.  I'd like to keep reading the Slytherin journals also, sir.  There may not be anything to beat Voldemort in there, but the reading is interesting.  Pity we don't have a History of Magic class as good as the journals." Harry responded.  

            "Binns has been a bore for as long as anyone remembers.  And the students know it.  History is important but you don't see any Hogwarts students going on for advanced studies in it," responded Snape dryly.  

            "I liked muggle history classes, sir.  Thought I would enjoy magical history, but Binns is so boring, puts me and everyone else to sleep." Harry commented. "How long has he been teaching?"

            "Longer than anyone here remembers," answered Snape as he refilled his cup. "He was teaching here when Minerva was a student or so she told me. I suspect he was here when Albus was a student also."

            "Pity, he's turned off at least 100 yrs worth of students to history then. I remember reading if you don't know the history, you are doomed to repeat it somewhere." 

            "How is the occlumency going?" asked Snape in a sudden change of subject.

            "Oh it's going well, he doesn't get past my shields anymore. The visualization trick works." Harry was happy to report that, especially since said trick came from the dark man seated across from him. 

            "Good.  Our spies report that the Dark Lord is frustrated that he hasn't gotten into your mind lately.  Keep it up Potter.  Denying him access will just make him angrier and hopefully he will make a mistake.  It's late; you need to return to the tower.  Good night Potter."

            "Good night sir." He answered as he got up to leave.  

            Harry went up to the tower to find his bed.  It was late and he had classes in the morning.  Ron and Hermione were in the common room when he got there.  

            "Alright Harry?" asked Ron.

            "Yeah," he answered.  "You?"

            "Yeah," answered Ron.  They all said good night and went to their respective dorms for the night.  Christmas and exams were coming and they needed their sleep. 

A/N An apology for taking so long to update.  There are reasons but not excuses.  Real life has been rough lately and it is coming out in everything I do.  A dear friend of mine has had some health issues and I have been there in the trenches with her on it.  A few things about reviews:  I am grateful for the time everyone who has reviewed takes to write them.  Funny about reviews, I didn't start this for them, but they have kept me writing.  Too many people have told me they like this for me to give it up.  Folks, you don't want to know how many STARTED stories I have on my hard drive.  I suspect I will finish this one way or another, just for the folks who DO review.  The problem is I am not an outline writer; I don't do an outline and follow it.  I have been putting threads into this story, and wondering where they came from.  I know to do this well or even right; I need to tie them up at the end.  So you are seeing someone who bit off a bit more than she expected to chew.  While you wait for me to update, may I recommend a few stories I have been reading avidly?  'Faith' by Dragongirl16 is awesome.  I wish I wrote the way she does.  I check on that one every day.  Enahma's 'Happy Days in Hell' trilogy is a good read.  Awesome improvement with her language skills and her story is worth the time taken to read it.  Yih's 'Mirror of Paradox' is good reading, along with so many others.  'Betrayed' by Kateydidnt is good also, really enjoying that one.  So much fanfiction out there to read.  Enjoy!


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